I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
50% drunk capacity currently
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
