There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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