Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
