Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
