A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
