I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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