next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
