discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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