"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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