She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
