We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
A bitchslap is in order.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
