i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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