Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
