I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
