Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I supernannyed him into submission
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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