I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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