It was confusing and full of hummus
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
