Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sorry about my life...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
