Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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