the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
