this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
