i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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