Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Im part way to drunk.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
