the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Where is the hickey?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
