WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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