bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
