I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
