You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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