My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
