Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
