U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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