I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
