Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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