Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
