Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
