Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
