I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
