That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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