I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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