Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
me + whiskey = a bad person
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
