i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
