I'm gonna have a badass scar
I bet he comes in French.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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