i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
