if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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