Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I would fuck him just for his dog
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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