i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
