I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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