your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
