i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
