he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
