Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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