Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
