youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
