I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
