just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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