I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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