you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
